Going through my files, Part 2: Personal Qualities that Affect Performance

In my performance anxiety folder, mentioned in my previous article, I also found an artist's profile. Apparently, I completed a questionnaire that was associated with a book called Performance Success by performance psychologist Don Greene, who has worked with artists all over the world, including at the Juilliard School, LA Opera, and the Olympic Training Center. While I still have the book, I do not remember taking this test at all. But I did. (I suspect it must have been free because I was a serious cheapskate in 2002. It's not free anymore.)

Here's a summary of how I scored:

Strengths:

• Risking Success
• Ability to Recover 
• Commitment 
• Will to Succeed
• Ability to Risk

Mid-Range Scores: 

• Ability to Fight (confrontation)
• Intrinsic Motivation
• Expectancy
• Insular Focus
• Self-Confidence

Areas for Improvement: [note it doesn't say "weaknesses"]

• Mental Quiet 
• Duration of Focus
• Object of Focus
• Presence of Focus [are we noticing a theme here?]
• Performance under Pressure

The overall analysis of these items was that I had terrific energy, commitment, and that I was passionate and perseverant. (Aw, shucks.)

BUT

I needed to work on my concentration (monkey mind!), my intensity, and poise. And that I overthought while performing instead of being in the moment. And that I worried about other people's opinions of me.

YEP.

I think this has changed. I hope it has changed. I don't think I could've done some of the things I've done in growing and sustaining a successful studio if my focusing skills hadn't improved.

Maybe I should spend the $19 to take the test again and see if it has. What do you think? Should I do it?

I think I should. 

I'll let you know if I do and if anything has changed in 17 years....

Going Through My Files, Part 1: Golden Rules for Conquering Performance Anxiety

Back in the late 1990s and early 2000s, I found myself grappling with performance anxiety that really impacted both how I auditioned and how I performed. I found that I didn't have too much trouble if I were performing a role, but I did auditioning for one (which made it hard to get the role), and in performing in recital or concert. No matter how much preparation I put in, I would get up on stage and I would shake, I would hyperventilate, my mouth would get dry (once my lip adhered to my upper teeth while holding a high note, which looked weird, and then suddenly released, which made it sound weird), and my voice would suffer the consequences. As a result, I didn't pursue a lot of auditions, and didn't do a lot of performing in what should have been a peak time for me as a performer.

I looked for help on what was then this growing source, the Internet. One article that seemed to resonate with me was by composer/guitarist David Leisner. You can read the full article here, but I summarized the 6 rules on notecards that I apparently kept handy for me to refer to in the event I did have a performance or audition. I found 3 or 4 of them in a folder marked "performance anxiety." I also put each rule into my own words so that it would mean something to me. Here are the rules - Mr. Leisner's words are in bold, my "translation" in italics below:

1. You have practiced to the best of your ability.
   Trust your autopilot (aka your TECHNIQUE) to work!
2. Do not judge what just happened or will happen.
   No "what was that?" thinking!
3. Don't second-guess audience reaction.
   Please yourself only!
4. Be in the music, in the moment.
   Be on stage, not in the audience; be in the GIVING mode, not the receiving one!
5. Single out one aspect of your playing that is #1 priority (before going on stage)
   You can't address everything. What do you want to focus on? Breath? Expression?
6. Enjoy! Let your excitement for the music be present!
   You perform because you have a passion to perform. Nothing else matters.

I don't suffer from this anxiety anymore. I have an idea of what ended it, but it's personal (I actually do keep some things to myself). But finding this yesterday reminded me of what I went through and what other people still go through.

I'm going to write another blog about some other information I found in that folder, and about other resources that I had and that I still have.

Is this an issue for you? How do you deal with it? How can I help you? Just ask. I've been there.