Zumba is my jam

One of the things on my bucket list was to become licensed as a Zumba instructor. I think I've been doing Zumba for 9 years now, and from 2008-2013, especially the last year or so, I did it 4-5x/week. And was in the best shape of my life.

Last year, I finally had the time and resources to take the licensing course. And oh, I felt out of shape. I had not been taking classes because I couldn't find any that worked with my schedule. I felt like, "What must the rest of the class think of me, tripping around here, that I could actually think I'm good at this?"

It was kind of like the recital I gave in September 2011 at Carroll University, when I had not been singing anything or anywhere for about 6 years (other than vocalises in my basement), and had just resumed regular lessons. I was out of shape. I wasn't singing well, the pieces I picked were kind of random and not really songs that spoke to me, and I was no role model at that point. That was a butt-kicker. That's when I started to work regularly with Connie Haas, and to work on myself, not just everyone else.

I joined a gym here in Baltimore that offered some Zumba classes, but not enough that worked with my schedule. So I just expanded my membership (much as I did with the WAC in Milwaukee) to include other classes, and I have been branching out and going to the other classes. Today I took a class in Zumba Toning, which involves light weights plus Zumba. And it was fun. I've mentioned my licensing, and one of the teachers told me that they were looking for subs. I demurred, saying that I'm still not up to snuff yet, and she said, "It's okay, we'll mentor you." So there's that.

In both cases, I had to expand myself. I wasn't getting enough by doing Zumba videos at home or by going to the gym down the street. I wasn't getting enough as a singer by demonstrating things for students in my basement and fitting in practice when I could.

Back in 2012 (a year after that horrible Carroll recital), I sang on a recital at Cardinal Stritch University, and I sang the Rossini "La Regata Veneziana." Those pieces felt like home to me. During my preparation, a little over 5 years ago now, I posted on Facebook:

"La regata veneziana" kicking my a$$ but in a good way. Like vocal Zumba.

And it was like vocal Zumba. It was hard, it challenged me, but it was stuff I loved, stuff that felt natural (ultimately) and fulfilling. And I need to find more things like that - music that feels like home and that I want to share with others.

That's the way I feel about Zumba, and that's why I want to teach that too.

Singing is my jam. Zumba is my jam.

And now I want some jam.

Feast or Famine. Dammit.

Last night I auditioned for a role that would've fit me like a glove. It was the role of Francesca in Bridges of Madison County, originally sung by Kelli O'Hara on Broadway. A leading role for a legit soprano of a certain age (meaning older than 35). It's being done by Dundalk Community Players at the end of October/beginning of November.

I was invited to audition for it by someone affiliated with the company who came to see me at Spotlighters in my recent cabaret show, The Not Here Cabaret (coming soon to Germano's). My initial reaction was, "Oh, I'm sure I can't make that work with the high holidays/trip to Wisconsin for Ryan's wedding." And then I saw the audition notice and realized that I was free from 10/1 on and the show opened 10/27! Plus I had a bunch of free days around which I could be scheduled. We could make that work, right?

Plus, the day I scheduled the audition, Pippin and I took a longer walk than usual and walked past one of those little lending libraries in a park and I found the photographic essay for the 1994 Bridges of Madison County movie, starring Meryl Streep (!) and Clint Eastwood. It's a sign, right? Plus her 3 big songs (one of which is really an aria) are all in my new Singer's Musical Theatre Anthology, Soprano, volume 6. This means something. It has to.

Nope. Couldn't make it work, and if it was a sign, it's not for this production.

Well, I forgot about Concert Artists of Baltimore's Gershwin concert, for which I haven't received a contract yet, but which I've been told I'm doing. So I dutifully wrote up all my conflicts on the sheet, like a good little auditioner, and sang the absolute pants off of "How could I ever know." (Which, coincidentally, was sung by the woman right before me - not quite as-pants-off as my rendition, but sung well.) And the director said, "You have a marvelous voice. But you have too many conflicts."

DAMMIT.

For 10 years in Milwaukee, I did nothing. And now, this is the second time this year where I was engaged in too many other projects to do something I really wanted to do. And I can't audition for Candide at the Kennedy Center because it coincides with my trip to Milwaukee for Irish Fest. Even if I could audition for it on Tuesday, before I left, the callbacks are Friday.

DAMMIT.

The up side is that all the things that I'm doing that are keeping me from this role are paid things. I am making a living as a musician/actor and as a teacher. And I'll be able to go to the Maryland Renaissance Festival a few times, which I probably could not do if I were doing the show. This will make my husband happy.

I am also resolved to learn her songs. This is the first company in the area to do the show, it won't be the last. (But please, do it soon before I age out of the role.)

And the director liked me and wants to hear me again in the future. So maybe something else will come up.

But still.

DAMMIT.

Mindfulness v. concentration

 I have been trying to meditate for years. But I've been plagued with lifelong monkey mind (some might call it adult ADD) and have been unable to sit still and contemplate my navel. And I figured that perhaps that's just not my thing. After all, I have found that that kind of focus and rest immediately before a performance actually makes me wind up being more nervous once the performance begins (which was the subject of another blog entry a few years ago).

But as I get older (ugh), I find the need for stopping more to focus and to concentrate. On a whim, I purchased an app called The Daily Calm. I've been using it for months now for the sleep stories - stories in which someone reads to you, with the idea that you fall asleep. And I have to say - it works! It works better for me with male voices, for the most part. I don't know why, but I can fall asleep to the sound of a man's voice far easier than the sound of a woman's.

And because I'm a cheapskate, I figured I had better maximize the value of this paid app, so I've started doing the morning meditations. They're only ten minutes long, and each one has a different focus. Today's was Concentration, a subject that I was worried about because, well, see monkey mind, above.

But this particular one identified the difference between concentration and focusing on a particular topic and the awareness of mindfulness. Mindfulness is not judging - it is noticing and being aware. 

So applying this to singing practice:

• When you are vocalizing, you are mindful of what is happening. You notice that when you are doing an arpeggio, that the transition over the top may or may not be as successful as you like. You notice what is at play when it is successful and when it is not. 
• In order to make that transition more successful, you concentrate on the technical aspect that worked and apply it in every case. 

Mindfulness alone will not advance your abilities. It must be there for you to draw awareness, but the element of concentration/focus is essential for you to make change. Concentration without awareness is equally pointless. If you set a timer to practice for 15 minutes but are not aware of what is happening during that 15 minutes, the only thing that you have accomplished at the end of that time is having sung for 15 minutes. You must practice with focus and mindfulness in order to accomplish a goal. 

Perhaps, like my app, we could experiment with vocal practice by setting a one-word goal for a particular session. Some ideas might be:

• Legato
• Agility
• Resonance

How will you structure your time around that goal? What exercises will you use? What repertoire? How will you measure your accomplishment? Will this be a regular occurrence or just an experiment?

Release / Receive / Release / Resist

Someone wrote on FB today:

Let's pretend we're creating your mantra - three words you say to yourself when you need motivation, inspiration, courage or strength. What is YOUR three word mantra?

So I wrote what I've come up with as my approach to breathing, specifically for singing:

Release / Receive / Resist.

Actually, I teach it as Release / Receive / Release / Resist.

Release: The lower abdominal muscles so that you can:
Receive: The air as it enters your body

Release: The exhalation

Resist: The flow of the air

When I work with beginning singers, I ask them to consciously release (blow out) all their air and not inhale again until their body requires it. Not really hold the breath, but don't consciously suck in the air. Let the body take it in when it needs it. They become very aware that our bodies will take in the air naturally when it is needed, without pulling it in, without gasping. The muscles release so that the air can be received. Then, as we sing (exhaling with sound), we focus on finding the point of resistance between the ribs and oblique abdominals to maintain the airflow without restricting it.

Resistance isn't restriction. We aren't restricting or constricting. We are managing the airflow. 

How does this apply to our lives? Pretty much the same thing.

We release our intentions so that we can receive what needs to come. And then we act (release) but we are mindful of what those actions involve and we manage the outcome so that life just doesn't happen to us.

Singing is life. Life is singing. Rinse and repeat. 

(Ooh, that's a good mantra, too. Never mind the other. Just rinse and repeat.)

The Awakening/Staying Woke

I've been thinking a lot about the terms "staying woke" and "awakening."

The Urban Dictionary definition of "stay woke" is "to keep informed of the shitstorm going on around you in times of turmoil and conflict." It is often associated with movements such as Black Lives Matter, but is also being used with the resistance to the current administration.

Right before I left Milwaukee, I sang at the Unity Church in Elm Grove, and I've been back a couple of times since I moved away. (I get to make $100 and, between that and having a couple of lessons with Connie Haas, I can write off the trip as a business expense!) That church begins their service with a piece called "The Awakening." The first words are:

WELCOME - WELCOME -
WELCOME TO YOUR AWAKENING

CHORUS: ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER WAY
I HAVE COME FOR MY AWAKENING
ANOTHER START FOR MY HEART
I HAVE COME FOR MY AWAKENING

Yeah. Corny. But it means something to the congregation, and that's my job, to help them with that journey.

I'm trying to be more present, more mindful, and more aware in my life. Whether that is as a performer, as a teacher, as a director, or just as a puppy mama/person walking this planet.

It seems self-consciously hip (and smacks a bit of cultural appropriation) for me to say "stay woke." But I'm going to try to open my heart, my mind, my eyes, and my ears so that I can stay aware and awake and receive what possibilities still lie ahead for me.

Solemn Joy and Sudden Spark

Energy.

It's really all about energy. That solemn joy and that sudden spark (from the song "Our children" from Ragtime).

Your energy on stage, whether you're acting, singing, dancing, conducting or playing an instrument, has to be palpable. It has to draw in not only the audience but your fellow actors. There needs to be a spark that engages us and makes us want to know what you're going to do next and how we're going to respond to that. Even if we know what happens next in the play, what your next line will be, and what the ending will be. Your energy needs to signal that something is going to happen and it's going to be epic.

If you have the energy, it doesn't matter if you're 5'2" or 5'10", if you're 110 pounds soaking wet or twice that. It doesn't matter if you have a full head of hair or are as bald as an egg (which, for some reason, I called "spoon-headed" when I was little - I guess because shiny?). It doesn't matter if you're as graceful as a gazelle or as awkward as a new puppy. You can be the world's greatest singer or just - eh. It doesn't matter.

This is what I am looking for as an actor, as an audience member, and as a director. Yes, a director hopefully will bring out the best in each of her actors, but there are certain roles that require more to be there in the first place. If you weren't cast in the role, it's because you didn't fit it in some way. If I'm not cast in a role, it's because I didn't fit it in some way. There's another role I will fit. There's another role you will fit. Sometimes they aren't the roles we want.

We have to move on. 

Bloom where you're planted

I have a lot on my mind right now, but this was the thing that spoke to me in my morning meditation (which was on the subject of lobsters, of all things).