GOLDEN RULES FOR CONQUERING PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

While preparing for our remodel and cleaning stuff out, I found these on an index card that I'd made up for myself that was stuffed in a drawer. From reading it, it seems that I got the actual rules from somewhere and then I wrote my own comment on it. So - I'm going to share it here, in part so I can throw away the card. :)

1. You have practiced to the best of your ability.  Trust your autopilot (aka your technique) to work.
2. Do not judge what happened or will happen.  No "What was that?" thinking!
3. Don't second-guess audience reaction. Please yourself only!
4. Be in the music, in the moment. Be on stage, not in the audience. Be in the giving mode, not the receiving one!
5. Single out one aspect of your playing that is your #1 priority (before going on stage). Breathing? Expressivity?
6. Enjoy! Let your emotions and excitement for the music be present.

I just googled the title on the card. It came from musician David Leisner. For more of his take on the subject (much of which I paraphrased, although "what was that" thinking is something I say frequently), feel free to read his article.

"Now Ulla Belt" - or not: Why We Belt

I've been doing a lot of thinking about belting lately.  I've also been re-obsessed with the score for The Producers (Book of Mormon, Spamalot, The Producers  - are we noticing a pattern here?) and I was listening to the movie soundtrack the other day. What really bothered me about the movie was Uma Thurman's casting as Ulla. While she was physically right for it, she was not vocally right. Her big song is "When you got it, flaunt it," and at one point, she says, "Now Ulla belt!' and then -- she doesn't. The point is that at that moment, she should switch from a little girl character voice to a powerful, strong woman in control of her sexuality.

Here's an example from the original Broadway cast album, featuring Cady Huffman in the role. At about 2:22, Miss Huffman belts. It's funny, it's powerful, it sets up the character as a force to be reckoned with. She's not just a pretty face (and fantastic body).

Then there's Uma Thurman in the movie version. She's singing it lower, which means it should be even easier to belt. But at 2:08, when she announces her intention to belt and then doesn't - it's disappointing. She belts a little bit after that, but the whole thing is weak. (And please, Uma, even I could belt it in that tessitura!)

Belting should be used as a statement. It can be a statement of:

1. Sexuality
2. Fun
3. Conviction
4. Empowerment

It is not a statement of

1. Tenderness
2. Sweetness
3. Sorrow (heartbreak, perhaps, but not sorrow)
4. Insecurity

So I watched a few videos and decided that a song can be belted all the way through if it's a song that's fun, upbeat, and not particularly serious. Examples of this are "Anything goes," "I got rhythm," and "Johnny One Note". Songs that are fast and short lend themselves well to an all-the-way-through belt.

Two examples of belting used specifically to make a statement:

Eden Espinosa, "Once upon a time," from Brooklyn. Miss Espinosa does a mix until 1:50, at the words, "has never felt more right." A statement of conviction. And then she belts mostly till the end, using a mix as she ascends pitch-wise, winding up on a high A-flat (!!!) on the word "right." Can we say money note??

And then there's the ultimate contemporary song of empowerment, "Astonishing," from Little Women, sung by Sutton Foster. This is a bootleg video of a live performance, and it is sung very differently from the cast album. Probably because she has the rest of the show to sing and can't blow it all out on this one song - whereas she could've just come in and sang the song for the recording and nothing else. Recordings offer the luxury of risk-tasking in a way that 8 shows a week do not.

Notice the use of mix throughout this performance. When she sings of her yearning for a return to the simplicity, it's a very mixed sound. As she grows stronger in her conviction that she wants to and will be more, it becomes chest-dominant. But a full belt does not kick in until about 5:00 in, on "In my own way - today," and stays strong throughout the whole "Here I go" section. Empowerment.

Also notice that the high e-flat on "Astonishing" (the money note, the whole point of this song!) is mixed. It's much more true to the vowel than on the recording, where it becomes "astonishang!" in order for her to get a brassier sound. I find over-modification of a vowel, whether it be toward a more neutral sound in classical music or a more spread sound in musical theater, to be distracting. Vowel integrity should be maintained. Yes, the amount that the mouth is open and/or its shape may need to change but the tongue doesn't always have to - and that's what determines intelligibility.  Does the performance lose anything by her mixing that note? The audience doesn't seem to think so, by their reaction.

Just because you can belt a song all the way through doesn't necessarily mean you should. What are you saying? What is your mood? A belt can be thrilling if it comes in at the most effective and appropriate moment. Where should you belt? Why should you belt?

Even though I am re-defining myself as a classical singer, I love a good belt. And when it comes in at just the right place, it's thrilling beyond belief. When it doesn't come in or comes in at the wrong place - not so much.

It's time for me to face the Fach....

The day before the oh-so-successful MacDowell Club performance, which clinched my knowledge that, yes, I am a classical singer and a good one at that, I auditioned for Sunset Playhouse's Musical Mainstage Series. I sang Cole Porter's "Give him the oo-la-la." It went okay. But when I came home from Baltimore, I found a rejection letter from them.

I wasn't even going to audition. I'd made up my mind that I am a classical/opera singer and that I wasn't going to pursue any musical theater kind of stuff. But then I thought, "What the heck." I shouldn't have. The best thing I got out of it was that the dress I chose to wear looked really great on me (I'd forgotten I had it!) and I'm going to take it with me to Orlando.

I know that I shouldn't be upset about not getting cast. Or bitter. It's what I tell all my students. And it's not that I haven't had a lot of rejection over the last 8 years - which coincides with how long it's been since I lost my focus (i.e., Cudahy Carolers Christmas - my biggest career misstep). But I set myself up for this one by not facing that my Fach is that of classical mezzo-soprano.

And what really bothers me about MT auditions is that you can't present a whole song. This audition allowed me to do 32 measures. Most do 16. And not from the show. What the hell is that? In opera, you come in with at least one aria from the show you're auditioning for, plus a few others as well. You pick one, they pick one. You get to display a whole range of emotions. You have to demonstrate that you can sing that role, not just that you can sing.

I won't be auditioning for any more musical theater roles, unless it's something SO legit that I can justify it.  And as far as auditions go, most everyone in town has already heard me. They know what I have to offer and if they want to get in touch with me, they can call me.

So right now my focus is on my upcoming performance with Beverly Thiele ("Mother Comfort") and Steven Stoler ("Abraham and Isaac") in the Hal Leonard Showcase at NATS in Orlando (July 1, 1pm!). And then on my November 18 recital at Cardinal Stritch University with soprano Amelia Spierer and mezzo Kay Belich (my partners in crime), accompanied by Dr. James Norden.

I will be indulging my creative side in a couple of song parodies to be performed.... not giving anything away just yet!

I'm ME again!

Today I performed the Chausson "Chanson Perpetuelle" with Muzika Piano Trio and guests Kay Black and Rebecca Schulz at St. John's on the Lake. I have to say that it was the best singing I'd done publicly in awhile. I have to thank Connie Haas for making me realize that I was off-track (too much musical theater!).

One of my friends said, "I've never heard you sing classical before." I thought, "You haven't??? What the hell???" I guess it's been awhile.

But I felt like I was singing organically, both technically and dramatically. I really felt engaged with the music in a way that I haven't been for quite some time.

Things are feeling great. Next up: "Mother Comfort" and "Abraham & Isaac" in the Hal Leonard Showcase at NATS Orlando, and a recital with Kay Belich, Amelia Spierer and Jim Norden in November. I'm psyched.

I do have a new manifestation of nerves, which I noticed at the Coronation Mass concert and again today: Burping. Fortunately, it was easy to overcome.

I suck.

That is pretty much all I have to say.

Not as a singer. Not as teacher. But in knee-jerk reactions that I am usually able to control.

I did not control them this past weekend and I hurt someone I care about. Without even intending to.

My apologies. You know you are. Please know that right now, my opinion of myself is....

that I suck.

50 shades of ....

I was thinking of how I would explain my feelings about a recent situation to my sister, the interior designer,  in a way that she would be able to relate to.

Imagine clients came to you and told you that they really, really liked the color red and wanted their house to reflect that.

So you create a palette of reds, reflecting the nuances and subtleties as well as having some bold accents here and there. A true example of chiaroscuro, bright and dark, light and shadow. Elegant, classy, at times understated, but definite pops of color in places where it would be warranted. There's rose, there's burgundy, there's some cherry red pillows, all of them helping to express what that room needs to express. You worked on that palette for months, consulting with the clients, getting to know their house and tastes and came up with the perfect design. Both you and the clients are totally thrilled with the design and are excited to see it implemented.

And then they went to buy paint and fabric, with their carefully selected design choices in hand, and the store manager told them that what they really want is fire engine red. Everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, the sofas, chairs, everything. That's what they really want and what's more, that's the only thing that the store manager will sell them.

So now you have a room with no subtlety, with no light, no shadow, and it just screams at everyone from the moment they walk in to the moment they hurriedly rush out the door.  And you are angry because they took someone else's advice in the moment after all the time you spent working together (plus people who know that you worked together will think that you're responsible for this one-dimensional outcome, and that does nothing for your reputation).

And that's how I feel.

All singers should have a palette of colors to draw from. You could define that as chest mix, head mix, belt, head voice, etc. You can define it by dynamics, by tempi, by every element that you have to offer as a performer.  I try my hardest to help you find that palette so that when you're ready to perform, you have something of beauty to show us (which goes beyond merely pretty) and to tell us a story, a story that has a beginning and an end.

Don't just throw the vocal equivalent of fire engine red paint at us willy-nilly. (Unless, of course, we're wearing fur.) Otherwise you have wasted the teacher's and your own time and your money. And you're not telling a story.

Competitions - Subjective Wastes of Time or Valuable Learning Tools?

Yesterday was the MacDowell Club of Milwaukee's first annual (?) music marathon, which was a competition for classical performers ages 14-19. Four of my students entered; two placed. All four sounded and looked fantastic, and sang at a level which I considered their personal bests up till now.

Competitions are hard. Not so much the getting up and doing them part, but the results part. Of course, that part is easier when you win or place, but that doesn't happen all that often. I have never won a competition. I never went to state for WSMA; they added the starred first my senior year of high school, and of course, that year I got a first. No star. 

I suppose if I counted 2nd runner-up in the Miss West Allis Pageant as a competition, that's not entirely true. The best thing about that was that my sponsor was Steve's Glass, so I had a banner across my body that said Miss Steve's Glass. It could have been worse. A friend of mine in the Miss Cudahy Pageant was sponsored by Advanced Screw Corporation.

Not winning or placing in one competition does not mean that you won't win or place in another one. By the same token, winning or placing in one competition does not guarantee that you will win or place in the next. There are people who won or placed at NATS who had trouble getting a college to take them for music; there are people who did not make it to the NATS finals who are now at or will be attending prestigious conservatories or universities.

The singing world is full of professional competitors who don't actually get any work.

Seth Godin, a motivational speaker and marketing entrepreneur, said this in his blog the other day (bolding mine):

Don't expect applause

Accept applause, sure, please do.

But when you expect applause, when you do your work in order (and because of) applause, you have sold yourself short.That's because your work is depending on something out of your control. You have given away part of your art. If your work is filled with the hope and longing for applause, it's no longer your work--the dependence on approval has corrupted it, turned it into a process where you are striving for ever more approval.

Who decides if your work is good? When you are at your best, you do. If the work doesn't deliver on its purpose, if the pot you made leaks or the hammer you forged breaks, then you should learn to make a better one. But we don't blame the nail for breaking the hammer or the water for leaking from the pot. They are part of the system, just as the market embracing your product is part of marketing.

"Here, here it is, it's finished."

If it's finished, the applause, the thanks, the gratitude are something else. Something extra and not part of what you created. To play a beautiful song for two people or a thousand is the same song, and the amount of thanks you receive isn't part of that song.

Substitute "awards" for "applause" and you get the idea. 

If you do not win or place, this does not define you as a singer, as an actor, as a performer. You define yourself. You do the work, you do it well. You cannot control outcome, only process. All of yesterday's performers should be proud of their process - they did the work, and they did it well. 

Bravo to all four of you!!