I suck.

That is pretty much all I have to say.

Not as a singer. Not as teacher. But in knee-jerk reactions that I am usually able to control.

I did not control them this past weekend and I hurt someone I care about. Without even intending to.

My apologies. You know you are. Please know that right now, my opinion of myself is....

that I suck.

50 shades of ....

I was thinking of how I would explain my feelings about a recent situation to my sister, the interior designer,  in a way that she would be able to relate to.

Imagine clients came to you and told you that they really, really liked the color red and wanted their house to reflect that.

So you create a palette of reds, reflecting the nuances and subtleties as well as having some bold accents here and there. A true example of chiaroscuro, bright and dark, light and shadow. Elegant, classy, at times understated, but definite pops of color in places where it would be warranted. There's rose, there's burgundy, there's some cherry red pillows, all of them helping to express what that room needs to express. You worked on that palette for months, consulting with the clients, getting to know their house and tastes and came up with the perfect design. Both you and the clients are totally thrilled with the design and are excited to see it implemented.

And then they went to buy paint and fabric, with their carefully selected design choices in hand, and the store manager told them that what they really want is fire engine red. Everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, the sofas, chairs, everything. That's what they really want and what's more, that's the only thing that the store manager will sell them.

So now you have a room with no subtlety, with no light, no shadow, and it just screams at everyone from the moment they walk in to the moment they hurriedly rush out the door.  And you are angry because they took someone else's advice in the moment after all the time you spent working together (plus people who know that you worked together will think that you're responsible for this one-dimensional outcome, and that does nothing for your reputation).

And that's how I feel.

All singers should have a palette of colors to draw from. You could define that as chest mix, head mix, belt, head voice, etc. You can define it by dynamics, by tempi, by every element that you have to offer as a performer.  I try my hardest to help you find that palette so that when you're ready to perform, you have something of beauty to show us (which goes beyond merely pretty) and to tell us a story, a story that has a beginning and an end.

Don't just throw the vocal equivalent of fire engine red paint at us willy-nilly. (Unless, of course, we're wearing fur.) Otherwise you have wasted the teacher's and your own time and your money. And you're not telling a story.

Competitions - Subjective Wastes of Time or Valuable Learning Tools?

Yesterday was the MacDowell Club of Milwaukee's first annual (?) music marathon, which was a competition for classical performers ages 14-19. Four of my students entered; two placed. All four sounded and looked fantastic, and sang at a level which I considered their personal bests up till now.

Competitions are hard. Not so much the getting up and doing them part, but the results part. Of course, that part is easier when you win or place, but that doesn't happen all that often. I have never won a competition. I never went to state for WSMA; they added the starred first my senior year of high school, and of course, that year I got a first. No star. 

I suppose if I counted 2nd runner-up in the Miss West Allis Pageant as a competition, that's not entirely true. The best thing about that was that my sponsor was Steve's Glass, so I had a banner across my body that said Miss Steve's Glass. It could have been worse. A friend of mine in the Miss Cudahy Pageant was sponsored by Advanced Screw Corporation.

Not winning or placing in one competition does not mean that you won't win or place in another one. By the same token, winning or placing in one competition does not guarantee that you will win or place in the next. There are people who won or placed at NATS who had trouble getting a college to take them for music; there are people who did not make it to the NATS finals who are now at or will be attending prestigious conservatories or universities.

The singing world is full of professional competitors who don't actually get any work.

Seth Godin, a motivational speaker and marketing entrepreneur, said this in his blog the other day (bolding mine):

Don't expect applause

Accept applause, sure, please do.

But when you expect applause, when you do your work in order (and because of) applause, you have sold yourself short.That's because your work is depending on something out of your control. You have given away part of your art. If your work is filled with the hope and longing for applause, it's no longer your work--the dependence on approval has corrupted it, turned it into a process where you are striving for ever more approval.

Who decides if your work is good? When you are at your best, you do. If the work doesn't deliver on its purpose, if the pot you made leaks or the hammer you forged breaks, then you should learn to make a better one. But we don't blame the nail for breaking the hammer or the water for leaking from the pot. They are part of the system, just as the market embracing your product is part of marketing.

"Here, here it is, it's finished."

If it's finished, the applause, the thanks, the gratitude are something else. Something extra and not part of what you created. To play a beautiful song for two people or a thousand is the same song, and the amount of thanks you receive isn't part of that song.

Substitute "awards" for "applause" and you get the idea. 

If you do not win or place, this does not define you as a singer, as an actor, as a performer. You define yourself. You do the work, you do it well. You cannot control outcome, only process. All of yesterday's performers should be proud of their process - they did the work, and they did it well. 

Bravo to all four of you!!

Awwww........

My May/June 2012 issue of Journal of Singing arrived. This journal offers articles on vocal pedagogy on topics ranging from scientific analyses of the vocal mechanism to pragmatic points of view on studio development to reviews of books, scores and recordings.

The regular recordings column, "The Listener's Gallery" is written by Carthage voice teacher and baritone Gregory Berg. This month, Greg opens the column with a review of a website, "The 50 Best Blogs for Opera Students" and profiles some of the great websites out there. One in particular is Susan Eichhorn-Young's Once More with Feeling, which offers great tips for the singer/actor, especially ones based in NYC.

Greg also discusses a few blogs not on the list. I was pleasantly surprised was when I got to the fourth page of the article, and found these words:

A teacher in Milwaukee, Wisconsin named Christine O'Meally shares some excellent writing in her blog Why I Sing, including thoughtful posts on performance anxiety, how to effectively practice, and a hard hitting essay on the evils of illegal copying that is well worth reading and sharing.

Again I say, "Awww." And it makes me realize that I start being more consistent with my writing.

Thank you, Greg!

MUSIC MARATHON & MUSIC SALE

I have been a member of the MacDowell Club Board for the last two years. The Club has been around for 102 years, and its mission is:

 To further musical interests in Milwaukee, provide performing opportunities for professional and amateur musicians, and acquaint the general public with the number and excellence of local artists.

One of these performing opportunities will take place this Sunday, April 29 at Wisconsin Lutheran College in Wauwatosa. Eight performances between the ages of 14 and 19 will be performing for cash awards. The money was provided by the Argosy Foundation, and a stipulation of the competition is that the selections performed must include a piece composed in the last 20 years.

Four of my current students will be singing on this program. They are:

Anna Aiuppa - Vittoria, mio core; Till there was you; American anthem*
Stephanie Kritzell - Vergebliches Ständchen; V'adoro pupille; The lake isle of Innisfree
Siena Muehlfeld - Gia il sole dal Gange; Take, o take those lips away; On music*
Eileen Peterson - Silent noon; An die musik; This heart that flutters*

*post-1992

Donations of $5 are suggested and will go toward the Club's scholarship fund.

Please come and support them! And while you're at it, we'll have a lot of PRE-1992 music for sale in the lobby. Prices will range from 50¢ to $3.

The music sale will begin at 1:30 and the competition will begin at 3:00. Awards will be given out sometime between 4:30 and 5:00pm.

Back to Basics

This year got off to a rather jolting start. I decided to listen to my CD from my September 23 recital.

My overall reaction?

I. Hated. It.

Now, I usually hate listening to recordings, at least initially, and then when I've had some distance, I listen and say, "Oh, that's actually quite good." And with a few years distance, I'll say, "Damn. That's good singing!" (I have the same reaction to papers and articles I've written - I read them a few years later and think, "Geez, I can write!)

But this was different. This was an "OH MY G*D WHAT HAVE I DONE?" kind of response.

I like to think I'm self-aware, and that I know when I'm off-track vocally. I'm not, at least right now, and I didn't. And then I thought, "Have I ever been? Was I really as good as I thought?"

So I went back to listen to some of those older recordings and realized that yes, yes, I was. Correction: Yes, I am.

So I've figured out that I've fallen off the track because of my explorations into musical theater and cabaret. While I love those genres, especially the creativity of cabaret, I don't think they're benefiting my voice right now. And they're not benefiting what I've been trained to do and what I have done, quite well, for many years. And they are not representing me as a singer. This is one of the reasons that I think I have fallen through the cracks in the last 9 years - I have not presented myself as a classical singer. People don't know what I am and they're not all that willing to find out. I need to re-present myself as the singer that I really am so that people will want to come hear me sing and will want to work with me because I'm really good at that style. I'm a great classical singer (speaking in the present tense, because I will fix this) and I'm just an okay MT singer. It's time for people to know this. Again.

So effective immediately, although I will still continue to love cabaret and musical theater, and to teach it and to explore the best technical methods of doing so, in my own life, I am returning to my roots and going back to basics. I am going to practice the way I encourage my students to practice, focusing on getting my technical skills where they were when I got distracted by A Cudahy Carolers Christmas in 2003 (which, while it was fun, was probably the biggest career error I made).

Like Chris Mann said on The Voice the other night, “I’ve tried to shrink my voice down to fit in.... I decided for this show I was just going to sing like myself.”

Yeah. Me too.

Why do singers think they're more broke than any OTHER artist??

I count myself in that subject line. Or at least I used to. I came from a mindset of poverty - do without, you can't afford that, you can buy something cheaper instead, even if it's not as good.

You get what you pay for. You need to invest in your craft, have the supplies you need.

These are the requirements for a Concordia University (WI) art class, "Drawing for Art Majors."

Nearly $70 in very specific supplies for one class.  Of stuff that will be used up and have to be replaced with more stuff at the same price.

I'm asking that my students buy books. At least one, maybe two books. Books that will cost $20 each  at the most. Books that can be used for more than just one semester, books that won't wear out or get used up.

Photocopies rip off so many people.

1. The composer/arranger
2. The performer (if it's a different person)
3. The printers
4. The office staff
5. The warehouse
6. The music store and all their assorted personnel

So I'm asking people to bite the bullet and buy some music next semester. Yes, we might still use copies, if I think of a song that's not in your book that I think would really suit you. But if you're a music major, or a musical theater major, you need to own music. You need to have a library of music that you can draw upon.

So if someone says, "What do you want for Christmas, dear?"

Music.

Not new socks.

Not new underwear.

But music.

You need these supplies to hone your craft, just like you'd need good brushes or canvas. I'm not saying spend a fortune. Go to Half Price Books. Buy things on sale at Amazon. Come to the MacDowell Club's used music sale on April 29 (more info on that later).

This is what you need.